Stop Being a "Relationship Accountant"

Are you subconsciously keeping a tally of everything you do for your partner? We’re breaking the score.

In this episode of The Well, co-hosts Drew and Kat dive deep into the psychology of Relationship Reciprocity and the "Petty Behavior" that destroys intimacy. Moving beyond generic advice, they explore the Teamwork Dynamics required to navigate Perimenopause and Hormonal Fluctuations as a unit. Using the "Goldfish Brain" analogy, Kat explains why memory capacity affects Conflict Resolution, while Drew provides a raw look at the Partner Support role during difficult life seasons. They touch on Human-Centric Communication, Love Languages, and the importance of Morning Rituals in maintaining a Solid Relationship amidst 2026’s "Heavy Times."

•  Learn why you keep tallies and how to turn "points" into "partnership."
• Actionable tips for partners supporting a spouse through hormonal changes.
• Why "Tone over Truth" is the secret to resolving arguments.

Grab The Well Merch: https://the-well-with-kat-and-drew.printify.me/ – Support the show and fuel your morning ritual.
Watch Next: "Why Rituals Save Relationships" https://youtu.be/dGBTYkR6-6o

• 00:00 - Why "The Well" is your source for connection
• 02:24 - Stop keeping a subconscious relationship tally
• 04:30 - How to avoid the "Relationship Accountant" trap
• 06:54 - Is "I didn't know" a relationship cop-out?
• 09:37 - Balancing physical vs. emotional availability
• 11:31 - Menopause Support: A guide for partners
• 14:45 - Breaking the "I'm Fine" communication barrier
• 25:25 - Overcoming procrastination in household tasks
• 30:33 - Why "Brutal Honesty" might be hurting your peace
• 38:25 - Reclaiming intimacy with a Morning Ritual

Drew and Kat explore why keeping "tallies" in a relationship can lead to toxic pettiness and how to transition into a "Teamwork First" mindset. From navigating the raw realities of menopause support to the importance of morning rituals, this episode is a masterclass in human-centric partnership. Stop keeping score and start filling your well.

 #RelationshipGoals #MenopauseSupport #TheWellPodcast #ThirdEntity #ProductiveFreedom

Emotional Intelligence, Conflict Resolution, Love Languages, and Reciprocity.

 Menopause Support, Perimenopause Reality, Supporting a Spouse.

 Morning Rituals, Overcoming Procrastination, Teamwork Mindset.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome into another episode of The Well. I'm Drew.

SPEAKER_02 0:03

And I'm Kat.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Today we're going to be talking about us. Not that we don't talk about us every day. Well, actually, maybe it's not every day. I'd like to podcast every day. I just don't know if anyone would listen every day.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Y'all can let us know in the comments.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Speaking of comments, make sure you like, subscribe, follow. It really helps the page out. It costs nothing. It's free to hit that subscribe button, that follow button, that like button. Again, it really helps the page out and keeps us growing. So we appreciate all the support we've been getting and appreciate the likes, the follows, and the subscriptions. So on that case.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

That note.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Yes, on that note. I've been having trouble with words lately. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Case note.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Yeah, it's it's been bizarre. I feel like, yeah, I've just been struggling with words. And I talk an awful lot, but for some reason the word I feel like I'm becoming more and more like you, where my brain just doesn't connect to my mouth correctly. So Lemme.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

And for anybody that doesn't know that joke, one day I said Lame instead of lame, and I knew that word was not correct when it came out of my mouth, but I was at a loss.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

You rolled with it though.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

I did. I did.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Yes. See, I didn't I didn't drink out of my well mug this morning. I am drinking out of my coffee pot.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

But I I love that one. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Yeah. But if anybody needs any well merch, we we do have mugs and candles and t-shirts and other fun stuff if you check out our store. That also supports the show. So I thought we would talk about. Now we've been in a relationship for a long time. And like most couples, you know, there's ups and downs. I don't feel like we've had a lot of downs. We've been very fortunate in our time together. Wow, maybe not.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Downs in our relationship or in in general?

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Life has shit on us for many, many years. But for us, like you and I, it's it's been we've been pretty solid.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

That is true. Facts. So I take that way.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

And I ride that one because I I I think it's it's important. And if nothing has taught me from many failed relationships is the constant working together, being a team. Let's be corny. We're a team, right? But it does work out that way. If you're not teaming, you're on opposite ends of the team. Two is a team. Do you uh speaking of teams, right? Points. Do you keep a tally in your head for the things that you do? Like, hey, I'm doing all this stuff and you're sitting your ass on the couch eating potato chips every day.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Subconsciously, I do.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Yeah, me too. Me too. And I don't think it's I think it's just human nature, maybe, but I would love to know if other couples keep tallies. I I think that's pretty basic as far as I think everyone keeps tallies. You do it with your friends, your family, your spouse. But what particular things do you like take point on? Like I scored five points today because I did the dishes, I made the bed, I cleaned the toilets, I swept the floor, and I did an oil change in my car.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

This is why I like to do everything myself. No, I'm kidding. I can give con I I should give context because I said I I do subconsciously keep a tally, but honestly, it's very and maybe other people do this. I think when you are a giver in a relationship, or whether you and your partner are givers, at some point in the relationship, if you notice that your partner is not giving, like you kind of feel it, you know, it's like they feel they're withdrawn or they don't they don't participate in household chores or you know, as much. Then you start, if you don't say anything, you start thinking to yourself, Well, I'm getting kind of tired and you know, I did this thing last year and I'm always doing this, and you know, I just spent last weekend doing this. But for me, it's like very short-lived and it's very rare.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Yeah, well, you do have a goldfish brain.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

So Yeah, and then that's the be like you always say, that's the beauty of me is that I don't have the the memory capacity to keep score or tally. And honestly, I don't really care until I do. But it takes me a long time to get to a point where I'm like, okay, if you're slacking off in the relationship, it takes me a long time to get to a point where I'm like, okay, that's not working. But I think we're really good at communicating too.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yeah, agreed. But it does it, I think this is kind of where you and I differ quite a bit. Maybe not quite a bit. And it it takes a lot of emotional investment or horsepower for me to not become this way. Like it turns into pettiness, right? Like, you know, if you start to keep tallies on things, it can turn into this petty kind of well. I always text you first. You never text me first. Oh gosh, or I can't do that. I I drove last time, it's your turn to drive. Or, you know, I planned this, you know, I planned the last two date nights. Now you have to plan the next two. And I think it's one of the nice things about you is is you don't do that. Even though you may keep a subconscious tally, you don't turn it into a pettiness. But I could see if it was a constant nagging theme, it could turn that way. Or maybe I should ask you, do you do you ever feel this petty behavior that wow, I'm doing so much more and you're just doing nothing.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

I feel like this is a very complicated topic. Or not complicated, complex.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

I almost spit out my coffee on that. I wasn't expecting, I wasn't expecting this to be a complex topic, but No, I but I think it is.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

I think, you know, because you and I have both had previous relationships. M I mean, we've had relationships in the past, and I have had relationships where I have kept a tally. But I I have to say, I don't think that I truly loved that whoever I was with, because I wasn't, you know, it's like that Bible verse, love covers all things, like all transgressions. And it does, but it doesn't. I know it sounds weird to say that, but I think if you're a giver in a relationship and you're with someone that's not a giver, that's more of a taker, that's an imbalance. And you have to have a balance in the relationship. And maybe I just simplified a complex topic. But and if you really love that person, you're not gonna keep, in my opinion, you're not gonna keep score, you know, you're not gonna keep a tally of, well, you you didn't say good morning to me. You didn't make the bed. You know, I just I don't know. I just feel like that's not love, you know?

SPEAKER_00 6:41

I could see that. And I've been on the opposite end where I've been the couch potato, the non-engaged partner where, you know, feeling like every the other person is doing the heavy lifting.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

So I think you know it at the time.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Yeah. Yes. I think Yeah. So I think it's I'm gonna say it. I'm just gonna say I think it's a cop out to say that you're not self-aware that you're doing it, right? I think it's a way to skate around that you have to know if you're literally watching somebody do all the effort and all the work and you don't feel a certain way about it, like guilty or you should be doing more, I don't see there's not much hope there, in my opinion. I just I don't know how you can do or you really you really have a dislike for the person and you're standing on principle. You're just literally being stubborn because you're not willing to work through whatever the issue is.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Yeah. I I would also throw in an additional factor. Sometimes there's a lot of immaturity. You know, people people young or older just are not very mature. And and I'm not saying we are. I mean, we've we've had a lot of hard knocks in life, and we've I think you and I both have chosen to learn, even though it's much later in life. You know, but I think too, like I look back on on my marriage previously, and I I, you know, I think well, I probably could have done certain things differently, you know, or I know in certain relationships I would be not petty, but I would tally things, you know, and I I probably could have done a better job communicating, you know. So I think there are lots of factors that play into it. But I what I love about us is like our relationship is that my gosh, I love you to death. And, you know, I I know you love me. And I feel like when we're hurting or we're drained or we're tired or we're frustrated or we're we're drained, I'll say that word again, from the world. And you and I, like one of us can't do, then the other one does, you know, and that's just how we work. But we often work as a team, going back to what you said in the beginning. So we share work, we share life.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

What's gonna work? Teamwork.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

You laugh or I laugh, but it's true, you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Yeah, the wonder pets have absolutely taught us about teamwork. So do you feel that when you're kind of balancing these thoughts in your head, do you equate them to like physical or emotional? Like, do you tally between the two? Are you more physically available, or if that person's more fit, not physically available, but emotionally available? Are you like, I wish you would be more physical, or I wish you would provide more listening or caring or you know, make the bed versus, you know, just a really good question.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

That's a really good question. I feel like it's both sometimes. So one thing I would say is I think it's really important to know what your love language or love languages are so that you can understand what you need from your partner. I know it sounds silly taking a quiz, but it's the same with like a personality test. If you haven't taken a personality test, take a personality test. It will tell you so much about yourself. And I think the love language test will also tell you about yourself and what you need from someone in a relationship. So I don't, I don't care about gifts. I'm not a gift person. I'm more of a spend time with me and I like affection, like physical touch, you know, and I I like to do things together. So if I feel like, and I feel like both of us over the years that we've been together, like we ebb and flow, right? Depending on external circumstances or family circumstances. Like sometimes we're just really drained and we're not super physical and affectionate, you know, like we kind of go off and do our own things, but it's always temporary, you know, and I know it's always temporary. Or it's we don't we'll have times where we may not talk a whole lot and we talk all the time, but I feel for the most part we're pretty balanced.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

I guess it depends on how you equate balance. I'm gonna out you a little bit. In this stage of your life, you require a lot of emotional and physical support. Um particularly if if we say Do you wait, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

But do you feel like I mean, even though like we had like I am going through menopause, paramopa paramenopause, like my needs have changed. And I think everybody's needs change through different seasons of your life and in your relationship. So you you have to kind of adapt. But I I go back to if you really love each other, you're gonna adapt. You know, if you're getting things from each other, you're giving to each other, you you can, you know, I I feel like it just works. I don't know how to describe it.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

I'm almost afraid to say the next thing, but I'm gonna say it. I'll just be mad at you later. No, it's not against you, it's just being on the other side of being supportive of someone going through paramenopause or menopause. I mean, no one prepares a woman to go through menopause, but also no one prepares their partner on how to best support somebody going through the change, right? So the other night, for example, you were having a bad day.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Actually, it was the entire day.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Yeah, just it was so bad.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

I don't think I was angry, I was sad. I was like reflecting on years of life.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Yeah, the day before you had a little bit of an edge to you, but it's that mood swing where literally like two days prior, you were having the best days of your life. You were just like, This is great, I feel great, I'm motivated, I can't.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

I'm amazing, I can run through walls.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

It's like you're on crystal meth, like literally around and do anything and everything. You're so productive, and then all of a sudden someone kicks you off the ledge and you're falling, you know, and I lay flat on my face and I just stay there. It's I have to say, it's it's hard to it's hard to watch. And I'm very empathetic. I don't want anyone to think that I'm like comparing I could net it's why men don't go through this because I don't think we could actually handle it. So but I it's it's hard, and I don't think enough people talk about both sides of it, right? Like you've found some support groups where women are talking about this and you find some comfort in that, but it's disappointing because there's not a lot of solution. And no, there's no fixing it. Yeah, men shrug it off like uh yeah, she's just you know going through it or blinding. She's crazy. Yeah. But I I don't like I I think it's important that I mean we talk about it a lot. You and I talk daily because I always want to know what's going on. Because I think it's important that you feel comfortable to talk about it. And we joke about it, like I make fun of you for it, I tease you about it, which is annoying.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

But it's it depends on on the day how I take it.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

But I wasn't always communicating a gallon of ice cream and you know and then putting the ice cream back in the refrigerator, which or the pantry, yeah, hey, this doesn't go in here.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah. Yeah. I will say though that I wasn't always great at communicating what was going on. I felt like and and I feel like this kind of stuff in in relationships is different for every single relationship. So I can't speak to anybody else's relationship, but I can tell you what I've experienced with us. And I wasn't very good at communicating because I felt bad. I was like, oh my gosh, I don't want to burden you with, you know, I'm feeling weird, you know, or I'm feeling angry and I don't know why, or I'm having a nightmare in the middle of the night and I'm going, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

We'll have to talk about dreams. Catherine and her dreams and like screaming at the top of her lungs. It's rare though. It's weird. It's not rare enough. Like I'd like it to not happen anymore.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

It's a horrible, and I bet other women can attest to this and post in the com post in comments if you can. But when I'll have like once a month, I'll have like a durant really scary nightmare. And I'm like hyperventilating my sleep and it's hormonal fluctuations. That's all it is. But but we've really had to work at it. I mean, I've had to really because I come from a family where we don't we don't confront each other a lot. Like we don't no one likes confrontation in my family. And so, and you are the opposite. You're like, I come from a family where we confront each other minute by minute, you know? And so bringing that together, you know, I've had to learn that when you confront, it's not personal because I used to take everything so personal, you know, like I'd be like, you know, what can I do to fix it? But and then I'd have to learn how to communicate to you and feel like it's not a confrontation. I'm explaining to you how I'm feeling.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

And I feel like I'm confrontational with you about it.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

I don't I pressed it. Yeah, not confrontational in a few.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

And the trigger for me. Yeah, and the trigger for me is when you're like, I'm fine, and you're feeling like a few. Yeah, being quiet is not good. Yeah, I'm fine, it's fine. Because you know something's wrong.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

But why do we play this game?

SPEAKER_00 16:17

We do like what? Because of subconsciously, you're like, I don't want to burden you. I don't want to or you're just not ready to talk about it. And we have talked about this as far as saying that. Hey, listen, I got something going on. I just can't articulate it right now. I need some time to process it.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

And that was probably a couple of years ago. I started saying that to you a lot because I was like, I something feels weird and I can't describe it. I don't know what it is, and I don't know why I'm feeling this way. And you're like, okay, well, that was information, at least, you know.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

And and I think tone has a lot to do with it, right? Like if I constantly say, what's wrong with you? Why are you acting this way? What's your problem? Right? Like, I feel like that is so triggering that it makes people shut down as opposed to, are you okay? Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do for you? You're looking like something, you're upset, you know. So I think the approach is important, but also when you're you're going through the change, sometimes there there is no right approach. Everything's wrong, right? Like retreat is the only option and hide. Like literally go hide.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

But I can't tell you how important. I mean, you bring up an excellent point, tone, you know, especially for women when they're feeling angry and they don't know why, you know, it's and I used to tell you all the time, I'm like, when I'm feeling that crazy, you know, or I'm feeling sad, I just like to be hugged. I don't even like you don't have to talk. I just need to be hugged and I need someone to say, everything's fine, everything's okay. You know? And we but we've worked at it. I mean, we've had really had to work at it to get to a point, you know, about a because I started when I was 30. How old was I? 38 when I first started symptoms. I went into it early and I didn't know what was happening.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

And no one did. It wasn't crazy. It was because you were now just a little backstory. Catherine's personality is super bubbly, positive, very caring, nurturing, but not over the top. Like she just has a very, like a beautiful niceness about her that draws people in. And all of a sudden, it changed. Not that you were mean, you just became withdrawn, depressed, sad. Like your emotions were like literally someone, I don't even like messed around with the wiring and it just was sparking all over the place.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

You just couldn't just like that.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Or literally, someone sat you in a dark room and told you to go find the outlet with the cord, right? And here you are just stabbing the wall trying to find the outlet.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

And it's awful. I feel so bad for women going through this. I actually just had a conversation with a friend the other day about it. She's younger than me. I feel bad for you all, you know, whoever your partner is supporting you. And and a lot of men or partners in general, they didn't like you said, they don't understand what's happening. So their indifference makes you feel that they don't care. And and a lot of times that's not the case. They just have no clue what's going on inside your head. So communication has been yeah, true.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

I mean, honestly, that's true, too. Probably a lot of fear.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

Yeah. So I I feel like you really have to communicate. You really you have to tell like I tell you everything, pretty much everything that's in my head. Like, we don't, or at least I don't keep secrets any anymore, or like try to hide how I feel. Because if you know how I'm feeling, you know how to respond appropriately, you know, and you're not like I'll never forget used to make fun of me, or the kids would make fun of me, or we would joke, right? Like, you know, we kind of poke at each other. And on certain days, that was not a good idea. And I would get so offended, and my feelings would be so hurt. And I'm like, why am I feeling so sensitive? You know, so it's it's a wild ride for sure, you poor thing. Thanks for sticking it out.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

No, I listen, I am I am not complaining. I I wouldn't I as I've said to you countless times, it's it's tough to watch, it's tough to support, but that's easy compared to what you're going through. So to me, which is so sweet all the time. And that's not I mean, I really do try and and support the best way I can. And it's a lot of experimentation. So, you know, just trying to.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

I feel like we have a good thing now, though. We've got a good process. Yeah. Yeah. You know when I'm gonna be manic and super hyper productive, and then you know when I'm crashing and I cry all day because I'm like, I miss my childhood days. I miss my parents are getting older. That actor died. I'm so sad. I can't fit my clothes.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

And I also know when it's time to get you in the car and go to Baskin Robbins and buy you an entire ice cream cake or home goods. So you can buy it. See, that's love.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

I love you.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

So it's it's it's good to have a plan. Like you know something will will get them out. And I think that's also uncharted waters. And you you brought this up before working, like working at things. Yeah, and work sometimes has like a negative connotation to it, right? Like we go to work, we work to support ourselves, but this is the type of work you should do, right? This is the type of work, it doesn't have any monetary value, but the emotional value that it provides and the relationship building that it it creates is so good.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

That's right, like if you can really fit.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Figure out effective ways of communicating. And I think, you know, after all these years, I mean, we we brought this up on the podcast before. We talk every night, every single night.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Yeah. And even in the mornings, we lay there like this morning at the seal looking at the ceiling. And what did I bring up? I'm like, hey, did you see that new conference that's coming to town? Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Well, I think I brought it up because I'm like, I I saw the ceiling fan, and I'm like, it looks like Patrick Star. Every time I wake up, I see stare up and I see the ceiling. And you're like, hey, should we, you know, should we go to a SpongeBob thing? And I'm like, no, I know. Oh, that's right. We need to go there. But it just the ceiling fan reminds me of Patrick Starr. So shout out to Patrick. But yeah, I think also keeping things light is helpful too. I mean, we we're living in very heavy times. So finding a bit of lightness and just saying that the ceiling fan looks like Patrick Starr or you know SpongeBob. Talking about nostalgia stuff, which we've been doing a lot on the podcast. So hopefully everyone is enjoying the nostalgia piece. It is, it is. But we're trying to mix everything up too. Yeah. We don't quite want to burn we're not just about nostalgia.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

So But but I also I wanted to interject that you and I both are willing to do the work. Like we're willing to invest in the relationship. Like I never, I hardly ever feel like it is unbalanced. Maybe like three or four times in our entire relationship have I ever felt like that. But then we'll I'll say something and then it course corrects.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Yeah, I mean, I honestly I've never felt imbalanced.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

I mean you just because I'm amazing.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Yeah, I mean you you definitely pull more weight, but I think we just pull different kinds of weight, but no, you you do a lot. I mean there's there's I I won't.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

We do a lot. Team Mark. Team Mark.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

It's hot to touch. But I think to your point, to the point, it's it's not what we say, it's how we say it. So I think that's also very important.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

And we also know we don't want to be alone in life, you know. We're getting old. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. No, I you know, it's ironic because you know, we we've had our younger years with lots of like lessons learned, and now it's like, hey, we found each other. Welcome to menopause.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Yeah, right. Like it's it is ironic.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

God has a sense of humor.

unknown 24:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

I don't know. Here's to the teen years, you know, with the kids and you know, the craziness out in the world right now and the job market and you know, your health and your physical and mental well-being. But we found each other, so you know, on the bright side, on the bright side, we say I now I get to watch you suffer.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

That's great.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

No, you have to look at it as we have each other to get through the hard times.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

So you're you're a person that builds up towards the blow-up, right? Like you you may not call it out, but you kind of harbor these things away. Not that you you don't throw anything in anybody's face, but it does build up to a boiling point. So I'm gonna go through a couple things that may trigger that. So now I'll do it later. Listen, I know I am so guilty of this, right? Hey, you want to do this? I'll do it later. I can't stand it. How long did it take me to to organize this until you got involved? Like that sneaker room was not getting organized, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Like it just Okay, and talk about how long that took to get to get okay, so it's all organized now in the sneaker room. Sneaker room. How long did it take to get when we started to move the boxes? When we started talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

It's like six, seven months. Longer. A year.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Okay. I mean, yes. Listen, I don't want to peek too early, right? I I I like to build up. I was developing the plan, and then I had to re-engineer the plan, and then then I had to scrap that plan, and then I had to go back to the to create a new plan. And then I didn't like that new plan, so I went back to the old plan.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

Ladies out there, I know you can relate. I talk to women all the time. I know y'all can relate. So shout out to you all women who are super patient with your partner. Yeah, no, I mean I'm patient, you know, but it's that that age-old meme that's on Instagram or wherever. I'm sure it's everywhere now, where it's like actually, I've seen even like reels of other couples that reenact it. It's like you ask your husband to do something, you know, and and after five minutes, she comes back in the room and and she sees it's not done. He's still sitting there and she's like, never mind, I'll do it myself, you know. Because I feel like women, well, maybe not women, but I know for me personally, I have a long list of crap to do and I don't want to revisit it. So I want to mark it off as done. That's why I'm so adamant about like, I want to mark it off as done. I need to move on to the next task. It's like if you ask your kids to go change a light bulb, you know, and you go upstairs and the light bulb hasn't been changed. And it's like literally, it takes five seconds to get a light bulb and unscrew it and put the new one in.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

You have a weird thing with light bulbs. I'm gonna I'm gonna out you on that. Like I like light bulbs. Like literally, if a light bulb is out, it you could feel the angst coming from off of your body. Like, I need order. Yeah, I mean, the other day. It has to work properly. I didn't even have an opportunity to change the light bulb. I had a light out in my fix. It like I blinked and it was replaced. Like you were so fast. I didn't even I mean, it was crazy. I was just like, what?

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Yeah, actually, you were standing there. I was like, I'll be right back. Ran got the light bulb and came back.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

I think I was in the shower. Like you you did a sneak attack. I did, I did. It's out. So yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:57

I don't know why I'm like that. Well, I know why I'm like that. I do.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

I know why you're like that.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

Why?

SPEAKER_00 28:02

I think it has to do with with Becca and making sure there's enough light and you're just all conditioned to put a lot of lights on in the house.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

That's no, I was saying in general why I'm like why I'm so adamant about completing a task.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

I thought you meant about the lights. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

No, I had Becca when I was young, and so I had to manage my time, and then I'm just used to having to do stuff all the time. Or I was I was used to having to do things all the time. And I was like, I don't know. I got I kind of trained myself that procrastination was a bad thing.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Gosh, I wish I could train myself to do that.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

I used to get so much anxiety about it, and it would loom. I even still, like I I had a recent project with a client and I put it off, and I literally couldn't go to sleep because I kept thinking, I was like, I gotta get that. You remember? It was like a week or two ago, and I was like, I gotta get this done, I gotta get it done, I'm freaking out. I'm gonna like have I feel like I'll probably have a heart attack at some point because I'll be so stressed. No, I won't.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

No, we're not having a heart attack. But yes, I think uh but the buildup to all this when you finally kind of blow a gasket, you know, are there any other things besides I know you don't like procrastination and I am the king of procrastination. I just you know, but I'll ask for help and I'm not happy about it. I mean, I get grumpy when it came to organizing things just because I I don't know. I don't know why it is. I'm just mentally ill, I guess. But as far as, you know, not acknowledging effort, right? Leaving stuff almost done, like, hey, I almost got it done, but it's not finished. Like that could be annoying. This used to bother me way back in the day when let's just say you get into an argument and you see your other person, and this is very immature, being very active on social media, but not talking to you, right? Like just that level of pettiness. You're just like, really? Really, this is the way you're gonna stick it to me. You're gonna just like post a ton now, go on a posting rage or rage.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

I can't stand that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

So when you have to monitor the temperature of your relationship through social media, in my opinion, it's a real bad thing, right? Like that's not that's not a healthy data point. Well, I don't know about that. It's I'm it's a it's a moment in time or something you you need to talk about something. Yeah, communication. So let's talk about like honesty, which is a weird point of entry. But do you like brutal honesty or do you just want like peace? Right? Like just let it go. I don't need to hear this, or I don't need to understand this.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

That's a good question.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

Or is that just too of an abstract question?

SPEAKER_02 30:48

No, I mean, I I feel like we're always honest with each other. And I guess I would I would have to give some examples, but I also don't want to you to be like, hey, you know, like your neck is sagging.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

Golly, gully.

unknown 31:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

I'm like, I am aware that there are issues with my body, and I don't need you to point it out and be honest. That's not the honesty I'm looking at.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Got it. So yeah, so that kind of leads into, you know, so it's so what's better, calling it out or kind of letting it go.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

So well, it's not that important, so I would let it go. But some things are important, right? Like some things you need to be honest. Like if you're I would say it's more like if you're feeling like we're not we're not connecting, you know, or if you're worried about something, you know, or you've got a problem with a family member, or you know, whatever. Like the more serious stuff, yes, but I'm the type of person I'm like, I need you to tell me what's happening so I can fix it, or so we can fix it.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Then then you go to your cooking and I watch you cook, and it's like, I'm gonna use the smallest pot possible to make a large amount of pasta. That I don't want to fix. Yeah, clearly, clearly. And I I can't resist pointing that out, so which I know is irritating.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

I I get irritated in the moment, but at the same time, I know you're correct. I just like using a small pot to make my pasta. I don't like using a big pot. Okay, who else uses a big pot versus a small pot? It takes forever to boil the water.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

But you need the water to like it's clear on the instructions.

SPEAKER_02 32:27

And but this is why you're the chef. No, don't watch me.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

It's kind of hard.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Our house is not all that big, so if you're kind of meandering around, it's and the kitchen is like in the middle of the walk wherever everybody's walking to.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

This house is designed. We should talk about this house in in an episode. We shouldn't. How silly the design is of this house and how just tiny everything is. But I literally feel like this house was built in the 30s where things were just super tiny. But any case. So honesty, yes. And then when you have your like boiling point, when you hit that moment, it's kind of interesting to watch. You're one of the few people that is like this. You have 10 minutes of just explosive anger, but not bad. You don't get like mean or nasty.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

I got bad, I got real bad once once. That was more recent, but that was because I was having a hormonal day.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

Yes. Well, you can't blame everything on hormones, but that day you can. You can. Because that's not fair. But you have a very short-lived temper, and then it it's crazy. It's like rain in Florida. Sorry. Florida.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

All of a sudden the sky will get gray and it'll pour. And then 10 minutes later, it's the sun is out and it's beautiful. That is your anger pattern. It'll pour and everyone, you know, runs away and takes cover. And then when the sun comes out, we're back in business. And there is no reminder of this anger. And I there's so many examples where literally you've done it with the kids where you just blow up and have like a complete meltdown, and then everything's fine. So it's it's kind of it's wild to watch because I have my anger festers, like it doesn't dissipate and I become petty, and I'll I'll find every kind of thing wrong before and after, and it just keeps building, and there's no relief, there's no release value. No, I try not to be. It's it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

Or at least I don't think you are.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

Well, it's it's work. It's work. And also, I think as you get older, you just get more tired of of being pissy all the time.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

And you you're pretty easy as far as the fix, right? Like you said, physical touch and and a hug, and it's kind of just over with. So and a lot of things that we have a blow-up about isn't actually about what's going on in that very moment. It's a culmination of things that you've been stressed out about and dealing with, and you just I know you'll feel better, so I'm happy to be the punching bag for the 10 minutes that's needed. So no, I think it's I think it's important. Why?

SPEAKER_02 35:06

I don't want you to be the punching bag.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

It's it's a metaphor, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:09

It's a metaphor.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

Sorry, I didn't mean to throw the wrench in the spoke right now. Geez, just shut the combo down. Just shut the combo down.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

So no, but it didn't.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

I think has our relationship improved since there's nothing to watch on TV?

SPEAKER_02 35:27

That's a great question. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:29

Well, I don't know. It didn't improve, but we're annoyed at night because we can't believe how bad the shows are right now. It's weird. It's like just in the past year, there's like nothing no good to watch on TV. And it's crazy because I keep seeing all these reboots. Like, did you did you see what was it? I just saw this morning. It was something oh the Beverly Beverly Hills? No, no, no, no. Beverly True Beverly Hills. Remember that movie with Shelly Long? Is it Shelly Long that's in it?

SPEAKER_00 36:01

True Beverly Hill.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

Yeah. They're doing a reboot of that. And I'm like, see, even everybody else is tired of all the not great writing out there. Wow. They're reviving all these movies and shows. It's a sequel.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Yeah, it's from 1989.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

You're right. Shelly Long. Tori spelling is in it.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, but it's we've kind of gotten to a point now where it's like, I don't even want to turn the TV on at night anymore.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

Because I know you don't.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

It's annoying to try to like go through the chain a million channels, and we end up watching Culinary Cup. We watch some bowling show.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

Yeah, that bowling show is fire. I don't care what you say. That bowling show is absolutely fire. Check it out on HBO. It is hilarious. And and who knew bowling was this intense? Like the whole process of bowling is wild. I love learning about that stuff. So I do too. I think it's wild. Just like uh full swing, right? The golf show. Yeah. It's interesting to see behind the scenes with the players. So I enjoy that type just and the Formula One show, Drive to Survive, another great kind of sports documentary.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

Yeah. But it's kind of funny that we those are the shows that we watch now. Or I mean we were watching. We're not old. Well, we have seen a lot of TV in our lifetime. COVID. So a lot of things just it takes a lot to keep our interest anymore.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Yes. And speaking of which, is that I know it's a pet peeve of mine, but I'm guilty of it, is when we're talking and the other person's on their phone.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Yeah. I feel like we're pretty good about that. Not doing that.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

Kits are really bad.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

Sometimes we uh sometimes we both get on our phones at the same time, you know? Like in the morning, we'll like check messages or whatever. Well, there is a pattern. But we're not talking to each other.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

No, but that I feel like that's part of our morning rituals. Like we did an evening ritual. We should probably do a morning ritual show.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

Should we?

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Absolutely. It'll be the highest rated episode. But yeah, I th I think everyone has a routine in the morning. I think patterns provide comfort, right? So but I also get anxiety if I don't clear out my email in the morning because I get so much anxious. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

Switching topics because you said patterns. And I'm throwing this out there. Routine. Sometimes we get really bored with a routine. We like routine. Like if we go travel somewhere and we eat a bunch of like we eat out a lot, and then we're like, we can't wait to get back and eat our normal food. But at the same time, I get really bored with routine over an extended period of time. And then I'm like, especially at night. I'm like, I don't want to get I don't want to make dinner and eat and then get in bed, watch TV and go to sleep. And I get kind of crazy and I'm like, I want to go upstairs and I want to like paint or you know, I want to be like crazy.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

But you don't actually do any of those things.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

So what are what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_02 39:01

It's too much effort. I'm just kidding. I mean our days are pretty full.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Yeah, but I think routine is is good and bad. It's good and bad. So I mean, I eat the same thing every night. That's a routine, and it's kind of annoying.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

It's kind of annoying. But you know, I don't like to put a lot of bad stuff in the body. So I don't know why I shouldn't say that. I really do like putting eating a lot of bad things. I just can't afford to eat those bad things because Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll be 8,000 pounds, but and unhealthy. And unhealthy. So yeah. I think I think we've uncovered some interesting discussions today.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

Yes, we have.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

I think we have. So I think in in closing, we'll do a couple more episodes around some of the rituals that happen. We'll do a morning ritual show and we'll keep rolling. We got some good nostalgia shows in the hopper. So we got a lot of good stuff coming up. Make sure you continue to engage and let us know anything.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

Just give us your thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Anything. So yes.

SPEAKER_02 40:05

All right.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

That's that's another episode of the well in the books. I'm Drew.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

And I'm Kat. And this is the source of something greater.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

It is the source of something greater. The well, the source of something greater here.

SPEAKER_02 40:18

That's right. Fill up, tank up with Kat and Drew. I feel like we need like a little outro that's like fill up with Kat and Drew. And we'll see you next time on The Well, The Source of Something Greater.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

There it is. We're gonna record it. That's that's the outro. Thank you, Catherine, for providing the outro. And now we need, you know, we'll record the intro. We're becoming more professional in our podcasting careers here. So would you like to do the outro again to officially close out the show?

SPEAKER_02 40:48

Sure. This is Kat.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

This is Drew.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

And we'll see you next time on The Well, the source of something greater.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Yeah, you couldn't remember.

SPEAKER_02 40:58

I only did it once because I can't remember. But yes, we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

We will see you next time. Thanks everybody for listening. We appreciate you.

SPEAKER_02 41:08

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

Bye.